You may think being a hipster means you're already pretentious. You hate what everyone else likes, have already seen what everyone is watching, and you've consumed and moved on from everything that's good and/or popular. But only the most pretentious of them add English-style U's to their words.
That said, it's hard to know exactly what that kind of person looks like. Do they dress homeless? Preppy? Emo? Trendy (wtf is trendy)? LIke a fashion model?
While you take some time to figure that out, I've already discovered what being a pretentious, uppity hipster TASTES like. Just add some portion of apples, vinegar and alcohol together, put it in a fancy bottle with a French label, and add a cork top (not sure what that's called, but it's not a regular cork that requires a bottle opener) and you have yourself a fine 11%abv drink that will make you feel exactly like Kevin Wintersteen looks like when he goes out (slightly bitter, a touch arrogant and tough to handle if you don't know what you're in for).
The 375ml bottle does help keep the over-imbibing down, so you'll need to order two if you're drinking a Cidre Triple with someone else. Provided, of course, you want to show how much better than the person you're drinking with.
While suburban grocery stores may lack in quantity of selection, they often manage to pack quality into their limited, non-mainstream stock. This FANTASTIC bottle called out to me from Top Foods while I was home for Christmas in Kent, WA last year. I loved it so much, my wife bought another bottle for me as a Christmas present. That's my girl.
First, the bottle is flippin' cool. The stopper and wire thingie make me think I'm all fancy and shit - which helps up my cred from a guy who drinks a lot, into guy who imbibes fancy alcoholic substances.
The bottle was chock full of 8%abv goodness, and did one helluva job with that drunken thing. I remember it wasn't cheap (something like $12 or $13), so I can't recommend it as an everyday option.
Perhaps this will be available when I vacation in Eastern Washington next year.
Only problem, how in the hell do you clean the fancy ass bottle?
(This description is copied from the G+ link, because this hard cider is so off the grid it doesn't even have a URL)
I'm drinking a cider so new it doesn't even have a website. For real. Farmhouse Cider, bottled in Salem, Oregon by GMS Winery, LLC, doesn't have a functioning URL I can find.
But whatever, this stuff is amazing. It looks like lemonade, but tastes like how I would expect strong apple wine to taste - applely with a subtle kick in the face.
And this shit is fancy. It has a cork and wire I had to twist off. I didn't need a corkscrew, but opening it took some work. It's 7.1%abv (I erroneously said 7.9 earlier) and it comes in 750ml bottles for $11.99. This is at the top end of hard ciders I recommend, and it's totally a panty dropper wine. If you are a hetero male, of course. If you're a gay man, I bet you like martinis more. And if you're a lesbian, well, I like what you like but I don't understand you.
Good date drink.
Anyway, I have bottle 186 which I will keep forever because numbers make me think it's worth something.
I've been told Woodchuck is better than any of the bottles in my cover photo. It's NOT better than the first five from the left, but I'm willing to find out.
Okay, just had an 802. Kinda like RC Cola back when RC Cola was everywhere. No, wait...it's Diet Pepsi. DP isn't as good as Diet Coke, but far too many people assume that a preference for diet soda means diet anything, but really they specifically wanted Diet Coke but were served Pepsi.
It's sugary and sweet and syrupy, but it has alcohol in it and you'll eventually get a buzz from it. Calling it PBR would be TOO kind, but I don't really think Woodchuck is bad, it's just not very good at all.
This is what you drink if you're in the suburbs visiting your parents and the grocery store closest sells one kind of hard cider (Hornsby's at Top Foods in Kent, WA was my option, and it's slightly less sugary) and it's either this or hard liquor.
Really, anything in a 12-oz bottle is this way. It's been shipped very far and/or it's produced on a large scale. But I liked Cisco when I was just starting drinking because it was available to me somehow.
And there's no way their flavored options (raspberry is currently being served at Bushwhacker's in Portland) aren't even less good, but I'm going to test that out for sure at a tasting tomorrow.
This website requires a password to enter. Here's the password. You may now enter.
Not exactly rock-solid security, is it? So why in the hell are we still entering our birth dates to get in to sites that are about alcohol? Regulation or not, it's extremely stupid and a huge waste of time. If you're doing to make me do something to get on your site, at least give me something in return.
Anyway, Katie brought home a six pack of Crisp Apple last night. We wanted to head to our favorite cidery, but these six bottles were less than a night out (around...$8, I'm guessing), so we stayed in. I had four, she had two.
I was buzzed. Not drunk, but pleasantly buzzed off the 5% ABV bottles. But honestly, you're not going to find good hard cider if you're drinking it in 12-ounce bottles. There's too much concentrate and juice, and the small bottles are a very good sign the cider was bottled somewhere thousands of miles away and somehow made it to your grocery store.
But the dollar to drunk level was decent, so I can see myself buying these again if I needed hard cider to share. Bit sugary, but sometimes you have to make sacrifices.
Oh, and the talking answer tree will speak swear words aloud. That cancels out the having to log in. Good work, Angry Orchard!
My very first hard cider in Oregon. Chosen because my wife told me Jonathan Kressaty liked the brand, it was fantastic. But it's not a get-you-drunk hard cider, and it's not especially memorable except in that it's definitely not bad. For some reason Heineken comes to mind here, but no one drinks a Heinie unless they're on sale or free. Crispin does have other flavors, none of which I've tried. At 6.5% ABV, two to three would give a great buzz going, but it's only worth it if it's on sale. If I see you buying this from anywhere but a grocery store or as the only option, I'll quietly ridicule you to my friends.
Sometimes you're home for the holidays, and that home is in a suburb of Seattle. It's a nice town, with a nice grocery store less than a mile from your parents' house. This grocery store sells many fresh food items, has a great bakery, and even a gluten-free aisle! It's far better than Safeway in its stock of healthy-conscious such items. While this store also has a wide variety of liquor and wine, its beer and hard cider choices are quite limited. So when a six pack is only $7.99, buying one seems a good option because there aren't really any others. I mean the Crisp Apple, not the abomination that is Strawberry Lime. A pox upon your life if you ever financially support such a retarded cousin that should have been snuffed just after birth. Six bottles, 5.5% ABV. I had four, not sure if I was just starting a buzz or slowly not being sober, but I felt something. They tasted okay, like a less carbonated Zima. Yes, I like Zima. Better than goddamn Spire's Dark & Dry, possibly not as good as Strongbow in a bottle, but I've never had Strongbow in a bottle. Pretty equivalent to what I imagine Woodchuck would taste like, and I consider Woodchuck to be the PBR of hard cider. So with the Strongbow.
This was on sale for $4.99 at QFC when I bought it. 650 ml at 5% ABV seemed a good deal, but then I remembered that my wife bought shitty wine so I went with it. On the way home I noticed it was local to Olympia, WA, which is basically down the street, so I figured I was supporting local and felt better about my choice. I prepared popcorn with butter and salt and poured my Spire. If you can imagine flat RC Cola mixed with syrupy alcoholic juice. Whatever, 650 ml is good, right? Yeah not really. Shitty wannabe premium is worse than lower quality choices (Strongbow) that don't deny it. See Debbie Walker, there's always a place for Strongbow.
The Nice & Naughty is what I have when the Bad Apple doesn't sound quite as good or the store is out. It's full of wintry tastes (I'm not sure what that means) that remind me of Apple Pie (not actual Apple Pie, the blackout Apple Pie) without the blackout-ness. Highly recommended for date nights, as the lady or feminine man you're with will likely be halfway through their glass before they realize it's twice as strong as they would have thought. Tally ho, horny elves, come and get some 10.5% ABV goodness.
This is my #1 choice for dining out. It won't knock you to the floor, but it's not going to make more than 2-3 glasses to give a slight buzz. Even the $5ish bottle from the store is enough to make you feel better than when you started. At 7.5% ABV, you won't be driving after this, but you'll likely remember everything you did. Also, very good with meals.
Do not drink this if you're nursing, appreciate sobriety or plan to drive in the next few hours. Do drink this if you love getting buzzed on good cider, like the slight taste of fuel with your apples (I do, because it reminds me of eating apples while sitting in a trailer being towed by my grandma driving the riding lawnmower) or very much want to feel like a rebel. My wife doesn't appreciate this as much as I do, but for $6-7 a bottle, it's great inducing an afternoon nap. This may be my favorite, but I've never had more than one bottle at a time. Yet.
Whoever named this must have been drinking plenty of the 6.9% ABV style, because there is nothing red, headed, or strange about this ginger concoction. Apples and freshly pressed ginger from the juice press next door (of COURSE there is a fresh juice press next door, this is Portland!) makes for quite a tasty treat. Not sweet, not dry, and not all that carbonated. Better than ginger beer. Way better. Fermented on site, so the pours seem more generous.
I've only tried one kind from these guys, who hail from near my grandparents's old orchard in East Wenatchee, WA. The bottles look more like wine, and are more expensive than most everything you'll see on this list.
I believe the Bushwhacker's owner recommended the semi-dry, which I took over to my buddy Kyle's in hopes I'd impress him. While I'm not going to say it was bad, me not remembering what kind it was indicates it didn't stand out.
Lots more to choose from, but be sure to get the $13 bottles, not the $19 ones. These guys definitely deserve another chance.
Seemingly the most available hard cider at bars and restaurants. If hard cider had a Starbucks or Bud Light, this would be it. Also, made from concentrate. Very weak, but better than nearly every gluten-free beer (save Harvester) out there.
Have yet to try it in bottles.
Great if it's the only option, if not, well, choose something else.
Tieton boasts quite a large selection of options, only three of which I've tasted. The Cherry and Apricot are quite tasty, but don't drink them out of the bottle, you'll miss the notes. The Tieton Wind Cider tastes exactly like you'd think hard cider aged in bourbon barrels would taste, and reminds me borrowing my dad's "work in the garage" water bottle with vodka seeped into the plastic (don't knock it until you've tried it, seriously).
Alcoholic juice in cans with protective plastic tops? Yes please.
Uncle John's is where only the most authentic of hipster hard cider lovers tread. It's non-carbonated, it's served in single cans or four packs (with special sanitary plastic tops that protect our lips from travel germs) and it's pureness gives it more of an alcoholic juice experience without all the added sugar that normally contributes to horrible hangovers. And don't worry dolphin lovers, the plastic tops aren't soft enough to pose a danger to our aquatic friends. Yes, this is an actual selling point. Even the graphics are ugly-awesome retro.
No word yet on any lack of hangover, I've yet to down an entire four pack.
Some of you are going to look through this list of hard ciders and think, "man, that hopricot sure does look good! I should try that because it's the most popular of them all." That's exactly what Nat told me to try, but I suspected he thought I was a bit of a wimp, so I went with Providence. Warmed up and served just like Gløgg, Providence packed a wallop for $11.99. Here I thought eggnog with whiskey was the only holiday drink that was worth warming up and getting sloshed on.
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